


Soap

by Bahar1182



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: BDSM, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Orihara Izaya, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Masochism, M/M, No Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-10 20:04:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20141200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bahar1182/pseuds/Bahar1182
Summary: So basicly... Izaya being a narcissist and hating himself for being a masochist at the same time





	Soap

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a good writer and english isn't my first language~  
Just ignor my mistakes :D

Izaya slowly removed his clothes. He looked at the mirror and saw purple marks visible on his skin. His lips were injured and he could see the clear kiss and bite marks on his neck. He bit his lips again until he could taste the blood again.

Izaya hugged himself, he still could feel Shizuo's hand on his skin.

Izaya would never let Shizuo look at him too much, not after they were finished at least. He would immediately go home and take a shower.

To wash everything. To hide ever mark.

_Orihara Izaya is a masochist._

Of course, nobody knew that. He never let any of his past partners go far enough to discover it and with Shizuo... Well, he was too stupid to go tell anybody(or even know what that word means).

But it hurt him. It was good at the moment sure, but then the humiliation would burn him. And he DIDN'T like that. And being a narcissist just made the pain even worse.

_But he'd go back for more._

He took his pills, a little more than always. He needed them.

Izaya sat in the bathtub and let the water take over his body. He felt like he's burning, the water was too hot. _And it felt good. _And he hated it. He hated himself. At least now no one could see him. Izaya was smart enough to know what's wrong with him. He didn't enjoy the pain itself(most of the times, but not always), he just wanted someone to need him. Somebody needed him, even if it was the need to_ hurt _him.

But he was too scared to try it in any other way though. Shizuo had tried multiple to make him stay for dinner, or take him out, or at least make him stay a few hours.

It was almost funny how much he wanted Shizuo and was scared to get close to him.

He put his hands around his neck and started squeezing. Of course, he couldn't kill himself that way, his own body would stop him. And he wasn't interested in dying either. What's so interesting about eternal darkness anyway?

Just for that very moment, he needed to disappear.

It had taken him a few moments to realize what he said. He didn't remember them specifically but he knew he said too much.

_'I want you, Shizu-chan!' _or something like that.

It shouldn't be that big, they were having sex after all. But it was exactly what he was scared of. It was just Shizuo's nature. He could make everyone soft. That was the reason why Dotachin and Shinra liked him more.

_Why the pills wouldn't effect already?!_

He didn't want to think about it. Not his friends and not even his family didn't really like him. It didn't bother him though. It was always that way. Nobody needed him, so he didn't need anybody either.

Nd then there was Shizuo who was like an addiction. It wasn't fair.

It's not fair when you're the only one who feels something.

Again, Orihara Izaya isn't stupid. He always knew what was going on. He always _needed _humans. He would play with them just to be a part of their lives. If they think Izaya could change their life with an e-mail, wouldn't they come to him for their desires?

_Wouldn't they need him?_

His vision was getting blurry and his body was just so tired. But he couldn't stop his mind from making nonsense. That was the whole reason why Shizuo had so much effect on him. He was tough sure, but he cared about Izaya and really, that was it.

His eyes were closing. Finally, he could stop thinking. Finally...

The last thing he felt was an uneasy feeling on his chest.

**************

"Izaya? Izaya wake up!"

Izaya slowly opened his eyes. He couldn't tell who was in front of him, but waking up reminded to breathe and he started coughing and choking for oxygen.

The person was holding his shoulders and screaming words at him(were they even breathing?). Izaya only heard _"ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?" _while coughing.

He finally calmed down and his vision became clear. It was Shizuo. Without thinking he gave away a smile. "Hi Shizu-chan, what are you doing here?"

"It's not important! I mean it is... but not now! Why the FUCK were you trying to drown yourself?!"

"Drown...? Oh."

Somehow he had forgotten that the pills would make him sleepy. Also, it was almost funny how not breathing couldn't wake him up yet Shizuo did it easily.

"Do I look like someone who would commit suicide? I was tired and I fell asleep. That's it."

He couldn't tell him he took pills.

"God... you scared me..."

The water was getting a little cold, Izaya couldn't stand getting sick. "Shizu-chan, help me get out of here." Shizuo easily picked him up and took him to his bedroom. Even helped him dressing up(while desperately trying to not touch the purple marks).

After a few minutes, he finally felt relaxed, maybe after years. And the fact that Shizuo was staring at him like that as if he would disappear if Shizuo stopped looking, was just too funny.

"So? Why are you here anyway?"

"Oh! wait for a second..."

After a few minutes, Shizuo came back with a box of cake in his hands. "Well, happy birthday! I wanted to talk to you back at my place but you left and... I thought maybe you have a party or something... but I didn't know when I'm going to see you again, os I came to see you.

He was massaging his neck. He did that whenever he thought uneasy.

Izaya's birthday... He had forgotten it. It had been more than 7 years since the last time that someone had celebrated this day. His mother would send him an email but Izaya was pretty sure her secretary had written it.

And that was it.

Sometimes Dotachin would remember if they ran into each other, and Shinra probably didn't care anybody besides Celty.

But again he never thought he needed it. He would always send gifts to the twins and his _friends_. But he never thought... he never expected someone to remember his.

"Shizu-chan?"

"Hm?"

He was losing himself. He couldn't make of Shizuo, he couldn't laugh like a maniac. He just smiled sweetly.

"Thank you."


End file.
